I have finally forgiven the Salt Lake Temple

I'm sure you're thinking that I've lost my mind, but as you read this you'll see why I have this unique title.

When I was 18, I started to get more familiar with the Internet. I checked out a few chat rooms(how silly we all were when we thought they were cool). I found a LDS chat room( or it claimed to be) and started chatting with this guy from Utah. Oddly enough, we hit it off really well. In fact I looked forward to talking to him everyday. He was sensitive, compassionate, spiritually sound, amazing and just a great guy. I started forming feelings for him. Just looking back on it, he was what I needed at the time. I wasn't dating anyone and I had never had a serious boyfriend and this just in some odd way showed me I could have one. We started talking about what our "dream" spouses would be like. I didn't have a long list, but I did have a detailed one. His answer was always that he had found what he wanted in me. ME!!??? Ohh okay. After a few months of chatting he said he wanted to talk on the phone. Silly me, I was actually nervous and didn't want to call him. He was visiting some of his family in Seattle, so I mean I could have actually got the nerve to go see him if I wanted, but I got shy for some reason.

Being the compassionate young man he is, he said it was okay and that he would call. The next morning, it was like time was stopping just for me. Beautiful morning, sun beaming brightly through my blinds of my bedroom and he called. Like the silly romantic movies we all love, there was music in the background the whole nine yards. I was hooked. We talked all the time...we ever discussed marriage. He asked me to marry him. I remember being stunned. I remember he cried asking me to be his wife. Whew, the tenderness of that idea still makes me weak in the knees. I was floored, but didn't tell me parents.

Well, of course being happy and in love, we started talking about how we'd really date. He lived in Utah..I was here of course. We decided once we told our parents we'd figure out a way to be together. Then one day he wasn't online, he didn't call. Days turned into weeks. Let me think...I think it was like 20 days till I heard from him again. Found out he was really really sick, so I was just thrilled we could talk again. My family was planning a trip down to Utah, he was really happy with the news. And so was I of course. So the next few weeks was me planning to met the guy I wanted to marry.

The time arrived for us to drive to Utah. WE get there, I'm so excited...it was great. I call him "I'm in town!" He's telling me about all these plans(to see Testaments mind you)....I'm on cloud 15...forget 9. The appointed day for us to met was here and I was so nervous and excited. I had done my hair....I mean I looked so cute. We met in front of the conference center down in Salt Lake City and I kept having this feeling creep up on me that things just weren't going to be the same after that day. We took a tour(both our families) of the Conference Center, walked around Temple Square. I stopped in front of the temple and looked up. It was gray, the sky looked so mean. I looked at the spires and something whispered to me that I wasn't supposed to marry him. It took everything in me not to cry, not to run away or to question my father in Heaven. The rest of the outing I can't even remember. I hugged him goodbye, he didn't even looked thrilled to see me.

Well, long story short....I got back to my aunt's house and cried my self to sleep....I think I cried 5 hours. I wrote him a long long letter, at the little child's desk. And I cried some more. I told my mom everything of course and she understood my pain. I don't remember an official reason for the break-up. I just got the generic answer of us needing to see other people and I haven't heard from him since. I know that young man is special for a reason or else we wouldn't have fallen in love. He told me before we left to come to the Earth we promised each other we'd find each other, and we did!

I have officially forgiven that sacred temple. It wasn't a bad thing I got that prompting from the spirit, I just wanted and hoped and prayed so hard that he was the right one. He was the right one for me at the time, just not the right one to marry. I love that young man, and I always will. I love him, for helping me become the woman I was supposed to, so my dear husband can love me now. I believe in marriage and respect those who are married. Who struggle and win, love and fight and find happiness just like I do. Our lives are not perfect, but they are perfect for us. We have the choice to be happy or sad, and I want us all to be happy. I may not have married the first young man to propose to me, but I finally forgave a holy place on Earth.