It's quiet in my house

The past few days Nathan hasn't been feeling to hot, so I haven't done much cleaning, much of anything but make sure that SpongeBob Square pants or Little Bill is on tv. Or some nice Smooth Jazz, he likes that. So, he's in bed, sleeping and hopefully breaking that fever he had yesterday. SpongeBob isn't too bad, I have two mobile children so I really don't get to watch much tv. I just hear things....maybe.

For the past month or so I've really had this feeling like I've needed to start doing my genealogy. I don't have the blessing of having generation after generation be members of the church. My mom has done wonderful work being a member for a few years now(I won't say the number ;) but my dad's side of the family is a question. I have not seen my father since I was 6. I used to be really hurt by that decision. But now being a wife and parent I understand the pressures and blessings of that sacred calling. I know I wouldn't leave my children but we all learn different ways. So, I've been really throwing around the idea of looking for my family, my lost link. About a month ago I found an address for my father. I found and phone number and address for who was listed as his brother. Last Saturday Mom had the goal of calling and talking to him(my "uncle"), but I thought what a weird phone call that would be, I know I would be like who is calling me. So, tonight I will be writing the letter to my "uncle" and then hoping he can connect me to my dad. Fingers crossed.

Sunday night...almost Monday

I'm really laughing at my self. I remember, growing up, if I wanted to watch tv...I had to watch what my mom was watching. Which means I got a great heaping helping of musicals. And that young tender age I was like gross out to the max. Well, my poor children now have to suffer through me quoting along with these movies while we watch them. I mean seriously, on my man crush list is a guy who was in Oklahoma and Carousel...from like 1950 something. I didn't want to reveal that I know that actual dates of when the movies were released. :) The musicals are fun, the plots are way predictable but that way I know what's going to happen. Nathan loves to dance to the music and I have dancer on the list of 20 million other things I would love for Nathan to do.

Teething update. No top teeth yet for Miss Nichelle but she has begun to not enjoy anyone but Mama. I have to say that can be pretty intersting when it's time for Nathan's bath, time for me to play piano, time to make myself something to eat if I know she's taking a nap. And suddenly decides to wake up. We're having company tomorrow night(Monday early evening). This has been a source of stress between my husband and I. To the point I'm almost not excited to meet these people. Example....Last Monday I asked my husband to give Nichelle a blessing. I'm so grateful for the priesthood in my home. It helped Nichelle out but she was still really fussy. The next time I hear from my husband he asks if he can bring the Nickels in to say hi(the company we're having over tomorrow). I'm like no, Nichelle isn't feelng well..maybe some other time. The next two times I hear from him is how I need to met Megan and how she needs to come in. No, I need to take care of my children, and since you're not home I'm the one having to entertain, feed, and bathe them. I'm a little busy at the moment. After that, for the next two days all I hear about is how I was brushing these people off, and that they'll understand a fussy baby. I don't want company if my daughter is sad, teething and upset. Long story short...I just wanted a little more compassion. That's all. Let's cross our fingers I can put on a brave face, and let's hope Nichelle is okay with new people around!

Ahh it's 11:52 and I'm needing to write a letter to my grandparents in Utah. I hope everyone had a great week. Let the sun shine in! Update soon! Oh Nathan is doing fantastic!

Be Prepared...

I'm making a new man crush list...cause I saw someone today and just fell head over heels. Aww....it's coming soon.

I have finally forgiven the Salt Lake Temple

I'm sure you're thinking that I've lost my mind, but as you read this you'll see why I have this unique title.

When I was 18, I started to get more familiar with the Internet. I checked out a few chat rooms(how silly we all were when we thought they were cool). I found a LDS chat room( or it claimed to be) and started chatting with this guy from Utah. Oddly enough, we hit it off really well. In fact I looked forward to talking to him everyday. He was sensitive, compassionate, spiritually sound, amazing and just a great guy. I started forming feelings for him. Just looking back on it, he was what I needed at the time. I wasn't dating anyone and I had never had a serious boyfriend and this just in some odd way showed me I could have one. We started talking about what our "dream" spouses would be like. I didn't have a long list, but I did have a detailed one. His answer was always that he had found what he wanted in me. ME!!??? Ohh okay. After a few months of chatting he said he wanted to talk on the phone. Silly me, I was actually nervous and didn't want to call him. He was visiting some of his family in Seattle, so I mean I could have actually got the nerve to go see him if I wanted, but I got shy for some reason.

Being the compassionate young man he is, he said it was okay and that he would call. The next morning, it was like time was stopping just for me. Beautiful morning, sun beaming brightly through my blinds of my bedroom and he called. Like the silly romantic movies we all love, there was music in the background the whole nine yards. I was hooked. We talked all the time...we ever discussed marriage. He asked me to marry him. I remember being stunned. I remember he cried asking me to be his wife. Whew, the tenderness of that idea still makes me weak in the knees. I was floored, but didn't tell me parents.

Well, of course being happy and in love, we started talking about how we'd really date. He lived in Utah..I was here of course. We decided once we told our parents we'd figure out a way to be together. Then one day he wasn't online, he didn't call. Days turned into weeks. Let me think...I think it was like 20 days till I heard from him again. Found out he was really really sick, so I was just thrilled we could talk again. My family was planning a trip down to Utah, he was really happy with the news. And so was I of course. So the next few weeks was me planning to met the guy I wanted to marry.

The time arrived for us to drive to Utah. WE get there, I'm so excited...it was great. I call him "I'm in town!" He's telling me about all these plans(to see Testaments mind you)....I'm on cloud 15...forget 9. The appointed day for us to met was here and I was so nervous and excited. I had done my hair....I mean I looked so cute. We met in front of the conference center down in Salt Lake City and I kept having this feeling creep up on me that things just weren't going to be the same after that day. We took a tour(both our families) of the Conference Center, walked around Temple Square. I stopped in front of the temple and looked up. It was gray, the sky looked so mean. I looked at the spires and something whispered to me that I wasn't supposed to marry him. It took everything in me not to cry, not to run away or to question my father in Heaven. The rest of the outing I can't even remember. I hugged him goodbye, he didn't even looked thrilled to see me.

Well, long story short....I got back to my aunt's house and cried my self to sleep....I think I cried 5 hours. I wrote him a long long letter, at the little child's desk. And I cried some more. I told my mom everything of course and she understood my pain. I don't remember an official reason for the break-up. I just got the generic answer of us needing to see other people and I haven't heard from him since. I know that young man is special for a reason or else we wouldn't have fallen in love. He told me before we left to come to the Earth we promised each other we'd find each other, and we did!

I have officially forgiven that sacred temple. It wasn't a bad thing I got that prompting from the spirit, I just wanted and hoped and prayed so hard that he was the right one. He was the right one for me at the time, just not the right one to marry. I love that young man, and I always will. I love him, for helping me become the woman I was supposed to, so my dear husband can love me now. I believe in marriage and respect those who are married. Who struggle and win, love and fight and find happiness just like I do. Our lives are not perfect, but they are perfect for us. We have the choice to be happy or sad, and I want us all to be happy. I may not have married the first young man to propose to me, but I finally forgave a holy place on Earth.

What is going on?

I am not one to brag or boast about my musical abilities I was blessed with from Heavenly Father, but I find it pretty wonderful I can play music by ear and taught my self piano and organ. I have wanted for a long time to take piano and organ lessons so I can teach once we get our grand house(okay just a house period!) Hence my children are still rather small so I will wait till I can get my master degree in everything music. What a nice dream. On to the real reason I'm writing....musically I'm not a happy camper with the sessions of conference we were just blessed with. I'm sitting there, watching soaking in the greatness of everything and I look at the tv like 20 times, not just twice. I swear they took their arrangment cues from me! In fact on the last session, my mom was over. Poor thing was trying not to cry at the cute little man conducting MoTab(please everyone start calling them that...Mormon Tabernacle is just too long sometimes) Ed Thompson as he winked at the choir. I was just in shock, when I play, I arrange music like that on organ. Ohh it makes me miss playing so much. But we can barely make it through sacrament meeting let alone me playing in primary right now. Ahh one day I'll play beautiful praise worthy music on organ again.