Friendship

When I was younger, I remember my friends were everything. Not because I was looking towards them to be my moral compass, or to get that needed reassurance we need going through the different stages of life, I just longed for a best friend or BFF these days. Most of the friends I knew, all had a best friend. The one I thought I had in high school seemed to be "smoke" in mirrors for me because she never invited me to do things with her outside of talking to each other at school(during the year my mom got divorced and we lived with my aunt I stayed at this friend's house until Mom picked me up. An un official arrangement after school) That last about 6 months or so until we got our own house(down the street I might add) but she rarely talked to me then as well. I remember wanting to do some many things with her, I even took her to a few youth dances where I'm hoping to this day she had a good time, but I'm not really sure since we didn't really talk about it then. I still remember her birthday like clockwork cause I always made sure I gave her something special. She gave me a glass once. Which I cherished like gold. I had it on the ironing board one night while I was doing something and in my haste to get ready for Seminary the next morning I bumped it off. I totally lost my mind, looking back on the situation. I was rude to my mom while crying in a stupor over this broken glass. I was sobbing like a baby over this glass broken on the floor while all too loudly telling my mom something. Ahh, my poor mother dealing with a hormonal child. But we made due and I dealt with the sting of not having my BFF the rest of high school. I saw her a few years later, when her dad was dating my aunt and that was like #2 on my list of most awkward experiences in my life. Here I was, ready to exchange phone numbers with her and catch up on old times(this was after my mom was remarried, I was so needing something from my past) and all this girl could do was to act 5 and barely speak to me. I later found out a few weeks following that "reunion" that she was hanging with my younger cousin(her younger brother had a crush on my cousin) and they are still friends today. Which is fine I just had more of a blow since I expected her to at least talk to me when we reconnected that meeting so long ago. This friend of mine has since graduated from a HBCU(Historically Black College and University)started working in social services and became a massage therapist. She owns her own condo and is on her to being an independent woman of the world.

I give this long example(sorry) to give a background about me. Ever since I could remember I valued friendship. I don't know what it is, but I just love that there is someone who knows you and understands you when the world doesn't and will come to your aid whenever you need and the feelings are hopefully mutual. I have gone through life, wanting that deep connection with someone outside of my family and I must say I'm still searching for it. Thank God for our church and the many cherished relationships I've been able to foster over the years. So many families have taken me in as their own and it makes me so very happy and eternally grateful. Those families feel like family, not just friends. Which is amazing to me.

We have been in our current ward almost a year and a half now and I feel so blessed about this ward. Recently, I've felt a strange bitter sweetness coming over me at church. There are so changes for my small family that have come and will come in the next few months. We are considering leaving, there's family vacations and a career change for my husband. So a lot on my mind as I go to bed every night. I must say while I've been married, I've never felt so comfortable in my ward. I just can't tell you how excited my kids are to go to church and to learn more about the gospel and it makes me soooo happy. But with us considering moving again, I am sad for leaving what I consider comfortable. I've made some really good friends, someone I thought was a best friend, but once again the cycle is starting so I'm starting to back off a little to give that sister some space. I was going to write what I thought was maybe changes in her that made things awkward but maybe she just needs time with something she's going through. So I just hope our last weeks here are awesome and that I just have a ball.

I must admit we're in the ward with the Stake President, which is so a mixed bag. I have religious envy watching his family. Everyone is polite, beautiful, talented and charming. They all sing, and everyone plays an instrument. I mean their return missionary daughter(who is so beautiful it makes my head hurt) plays cello. I am so glad I missed sacrament meeting Sunday when she played her solo. I am already crying I don't have my own cello. But this family is beyond amazing I wish I had the words. And yet they asked me to play a piano solo in church, with the wealth of talent in this family(and the rest of the ward I might add). I'm still thinking of an excuse to use....and then I remember. I have a bishop and a stake president to report too....think it's time to start attend Mass. Catholics have beautiful music as well. I'll let you know what song I decide on....