Friendship

When I was younger, I remember my friends were everything. Not because I was looking towards them to be my moral compass, or to get that needed reassurance we need going through the different stages of life, I just longed for a best friend or BFF these days. Most of the friends I knew, all had a best friend. The one I thought I had in high school seemed to be "smoke" in mirrors for me because she never invited me to do things with her outside of talking to each other at school(during the year my mom got divorced and we lived with my aunt I stayed at this friend's house until Mom picked me up. An un official arrangement after school) That last about 6 months or so until we got our own house(down the street I might add) but she rarely talked to me then as well. I remember wanting to do some many things with her, I even took her to a few youth dances where I'm hoping to this day she had a good time, but I'm not really sure since we didn't really talk about it then. I still remember her birthday like clockwork cause I always made sure I gave her something special. She gave me a glass once. Which I cherished like gold. I had it on the ironing board one night while I was doing something and in my haste to get ready for Seminary the next morning I bumped it off. I totally lost my mind, looking back on the situation. I was rude to my mom while crying in a stupor over this broken glass. I was sobbing like a baby over this glass broken on the floor while all too loudly telling my mom something. Ahh, my poor mother dealing with a hormonal child. But we made due and I dealt with the sting of not having my BFF the rest of high school. I saw her a few years later, when her dad was dating my aunt and that was like #2 on my list of most awkward experiences in my life. Here I was, ready to exchange phone numbers with her and catch up on old times(this was after my mom was remarried, I was so needing something from my past) and all this girl could do was to act 5 and barely speak to me. I later found out a few weeks following that "reunion" that she was hanging with my younger cousin(her younger brother had a crush on my cousin) and they are still friends today. Which is fine I just had more of a blow since I expected her to at least talk to me when we reconnected that meeting so long ago. This friend of mine has since graduated from a HBCU(Historically Black College and University)started working in social services and became a massage therapist. She owns her own condo and is on her to being an independent woman of the world.

I give this long example(sorry) to give a background about me. Ever since I could remember I valued friendship. I don't know what it is, but I just love that there is someone who knows you and understands you when the world doesn't and will come to your aid whenever you need and the feelings are hopefully mutual. I have gone through life, wanting that deep connection with someone outside of my family and I must say I'm still searching for it. Thank God for our church and the many cherished relationships I've been able to foster over the years. So many families have taken me in as their own and it makes me so very happy and eternally grateful. Those families feel like family, not just friends. Which is amazing to me.

We have been in our current ward almost a year and a half now and I feel so blessed about this ward. Recently, I've felt a strange bitter sweetness coming over me at church. There are so changes for my small family that have come and will come in the next few months. We are considering leaving, there's family vacations and a career change for my husband. So a lot on my mind as I go to bed every night. I must say while I've been married, I've never felt so comfortable in my ward. I just can't tell you how excited my kids are to go to church and to learn more about the gospel and it makes me soooo happy. But with us considering moving again, I am sad for leaving what I consider comfortable. I've made some really good friends, someone I thought was a best friend, but once again the cycle is starting so I'm starting to back off a little to give that sister some space. I was going to write what I thought was maybe changes in her that made things awkward but maybe she just needs time with something she's going through. So I just hope our last weeks here are awesome and that I just have a ball.

I must admit we're in the ward with the Stake President, which is so a mixed bag. I have religious envy watching his family. Everyone is polite, beautiful, talented and charming. They all sing, and everyone plays an instrument. I mean their return missionary daughter(who is so beautiful it makes my head hurt) plays cello. I am so glad I missed sacrament meeting Sunday when she played her solo. I am already crying I don't have my own cello. But this family is beyond amazing I wish I had the words. And yet they asked me to play a piano solo in church, with the wealth of talent in this family(and the rest of the ward I might add). I'm still thinking of an excuse to use....and then I remember. I have a bishop and a stake president to report too....think it's time to start attend Mass. Catholics have beautiful music as well. I'll let you know what song I decide on....

Oprah's Final Shows

I, like anyone who is a child raised on tv watched Oprah growing up. I used to watch when I was a little girl and would know that my mom was close to coming home from work, when the end credits was rolling. I remember being a little black girl(Oprah says little colored girl so the world is changing) like in the 4th grade. I had the best teacher ever named Miss Rainwater. I remember her telling us that we could do anything, be anything. And those were the days when you needed an idol and you were a black little girl, you looked up to Oprah. I remember she was a great symbol of believing in your self and making sure you never gave up to achieve your dreams. Oprah was everywhere when I was younger. In the library(on those Read posters), in magazines and on tv of course. She wanted us to read, to go to college to better ourselves so we could be our greatest selves.

Through out the years, I have had several people tell me that I look like Oprah. I'm still not sure that's a compliment(I think she's a very pretty lady) it's just I think I look like April, not Oprah. But I knew growing up that I wanted to be in her postion. Be able to reach millions and give them the encouragement they needed to survive day to day. Life is hard, and somehow Oprah found a way to really touch lives. Some people disagree with some of the things she has said or done, but I just like to focus on what good she has done for so many people. A couple of years ago I said...."I should be the Mormon Oprah". Don't be surprised okay....I'm just saying!


So, Miss Oprah from your mothering role in the Color Purple to mothering hundreds of thousand of dreams we love you. We love your drive in life and how you want others to find that drive. I'm sure others are posting long love letters to you too Oprah, but I have two toddlers! Can't wait to see what's next.

Do you remember honey?

I must start by saying that I really am amazed that I will be honored with celebrating my 5 year anniversary with my husband. I know at times these post are sappy. I love "love letters"(which I still write to my hubby) and I have no problem writing to him. And it's nice way to say what I'm feeling since we sometimes have our conversations......enhanced by two little adults. This is to him....


The other day I was thinking back to when we first were seeing each other and I remembered there was a song you liked. I wish I could remember the name of the song, or who the artist was. I just remember....I thought you thought I was something special. But the lyrics of the song were towards this man's ex and they were talking.....reminiscing about their relationship. He talked about her perfume and how she made him feel. I needless to say was not happy. I know about your last girlfriend and how you felt about her(or at least what you told me) and then this song. Grrr. But I know you like the song I won't get that upset.

Remember when we went driving? You picked me up, went drove up to Snoqualmie Pass. It was dark, not really late but dark. And for some reason in March still snowing so it was really dark. I remember while we were driving back home...just a fun quick drive you sang to me for the first time. You sang "I Heard Him Come". I've heard that song, but I've never had someone sing it to me. You forgot some of the words but I still think it's one of the most tender moments we've ever shared. When we were camping last summer and start singing before bedtime for the kids you sang it again. Now that song has an extra special place in my heart. You were so cute talking about this special song about Christ and how much you love it. Some would say it's just special to me because I really liked you at the time but I think it's more than that. You're a return missionary and RM's love sharing their testimonies. It's part of their allure, what makes them special. What makes them attractive to special young ladies(or young men respectively) and that's how it all starts huh?

I remember one night you were driving home from my house and you called me...you told me to hang up so you could call me back. You called and UNCHARACTERISTICALLY left me a voice mail. It was John Michael Montgomery singing "I can love you like that". We were days away from getting married. I hated to be away from you....and here it was like 11 o' clock a night and you were driving home. You said you had to leave that message for me cause the song was on the radio at the same time you were thinking about me. Are we that corny honey? I don't think so. I have grown to love that we're from two different worlds. You've rode a horse before and can operate a tractor. I've played cello since the 5th grade and know how to choose a China plate pattern. You tan really well and can do a hard day's work. I can do the laundry and cook at the same time. You can hunt....I love to read. The differences about us make me love you. I feel I've found my cowboy and I love that. Nothing makes me more shy about admitting my tender thoughts than when you take care of me. Like when we had a fireplace and you made me a fire. I love that. And wouldn't change it for the world.

There are so many songs that I could write about that make me think of different things from out short but exciting time together. I didn't have a first dance with you cause you don't like dancing so I have a whole list of songs to choose from. I still try to have you dance with me and you always come up with some excuse. I've heard them all. But I know in my heart of hearts with how fast we met and how everything came together we were supposed to be married. I had so many plans that could have taken me far away from home but I choose to stay and thank goodness I did cause I would have missed my day as a princess. I would have missed my chance of having people say I'm crazy cause we married so fast. It had to be crazy cause we like each other and that says something. I love you honey.....