I wanted to write some feelings

I've been thinking about how to write this post for a few days now. I think it's because I still don't know what's going on or how to feel about it exactly, so I will just start.

My dear Mother met my dad right before leaving for her mission to Switzerland. Long story short of course they got married and had me almost a year later. Sadly, they did not stay married for long. I grew up with love and support for my mom's side of the family. You know how people say "Once in a blue moon" when something rare happens. Seeing my dad for his weekend visit was much more rare than a blue moon. And then nothing from him again. For years...I was curious of how to find him. I am still am to tell you the truth. I look just like him, so I would be able to recognize him right away, but would I be able to keep my emotions in check?. I am proud to say in the last few years I have really tried my best to forgive him and to see the situation from his point of view. I have come to a point where I am able to say I do love my dad and I wish that he were a part of my life.

I think back to my growing up in the LDS church as very interesting since I didn't have a father who was around. The church has such a strong desire for everyone to have a family. A mom dad and children to call their own. I had a great mother, I have a great mother. I had wonderful fill in men(home teachers....so do you home teaching young men!)who took me to daddy/daughter dances and activities but of course it's not the same. I've always wanted a dad to call my own. To know that sacred relationship. I'm so glad my children have a wonderful dad in their lives. It makes me very happy!

When I became a parent I had this idea, which became a knowing that ultimately became a passion to find my dad and to let him know that he in fact has grandchildren. I was unsure of how to find him. Call all the Danny Wilcox's in the phonebook? No. My mom didn't know where he was, so I was kind of out of luck. Around March of this year, I had this burning to start my genealogy. It was so strong I knew I had to start. I don't have much information from my father's side of the family so I was once again stuck. But I had prayed and knew that if I did all I could the Lord would do the rest. I am still trying to do my family history work like a good girl.

On vacation, we were sitting down to dinner at Mo's when I heard the phone ring. I didn't know who's number it was so I didn't answer the phone. Something told me to listen to the voice mail. It was my dad calling to say he had received the letter I wrote to him a week earlier. I found a few addresses for him and just decided to write the first one(and if that didn't work I was going to move on to the next address etc). I was so in shocked I almost cried right there. I was very nervous to call him back and when we got home a few days later I did. I followed up my original letter with another one. This had some pictures of my family and just explaining my sudden attempts at communication with him. I've been praying for him and me that we'll be able to have some kind of relationship.

To date it's been two weeks since he called and I haven't heard from him since. I have to admit I really thought he would be a little comfortable at the chance to talk to me since I made it clear I'm not after money. I do have his address so I can send him additional information about the family. And hopefully I can get the information I need to start doing my family history. I am thankful to all my friends via Facebook and Twitter(okay only one person on twitter) who have been really supportive as I start this journey. Last Sunday was hard for me since I still haven't received a phone call. But I know I did a good thing by letting him know about his grandchildren. I just hope I can get some information so I can get to the temple! :)