An open letter to my daughter

I wrote something for your older brother which means I had to do something for the princess. I think about you a lot. You are so much more clever than I ever will be. You're far more compassionate than I want to be and for that I thank you. I need reminders any given time of the day to be a nice, compassionate, kind person and that is everything you are to me. You are beyond excited for the change we will be going through and want to know everything that is going on.

I'm curious at times what you think of the world. You  have so many maternal qualities that you use with friends, and especially your older brother since you want to take care of him. I wonder if you think the world is a scary place? Some where fun? You sing every where we go. Not always willing to say your name but you sing more than I have energy to tell you it's important to use an inside voice. You have a wonderful knack for the arts, wanting to paint, draw and re-create what you see with your beautiful eyes. From the rising sun, to the falling snow you want to draw so I can explain how it works and why it's with us in the world. Will you be curious like I was? I wanted to be a scientist to learn why things what, what makes them tick. At times I get a streak, mostly because of you asking so many questions, but together we learn things that way.

Your hair is so pretty with is streaks of blonde, for which I seem to surprise people with. My husband is blonde can I not have children with blonde hair? Your eye lashes are so long and such a brunette shade it makes your eyes a great focus which gets so many compliments. I want to protect your beauty. I want you to stay innocent for ever really.I don't want your first heartache to ever come or for you to question why men act they way they do. I want you to be a romantic and love the idea of being in love. I hope so many things for you and about you that I can't wait for the to unfold for both of us. Will you be a dancer like you hope or become President of the United States. Both of which would make me so happy and nervous at the same time.

When I think of you, I think back to Maria from the Sound of Music. As she starts one of her many signature songs. Julie Andrews and her soaring voice starts ever so quietly "What will this day by like?" and you wake up every day energetic and excited to get the day started. One day my energy will be back and hopefully I will wake up just as you. I love that you still want to crawl in the bed with me and cuddle before I try rolling out of bed. It's the best wake up call ever. I love you.

An open letter to my son

It's Friday February 24th. That means in less than a month our lives will be completely different. I can not promise that you will like that change entirely but I will promise that we will be together every step of the way. You are my first born. Which, for some people means you are my mini me. In so many ways we are alike. Your maternal grandmother loves to remind me of this every chance she gets. You're curious, you're affectionate, you're inquisitive about relationships and what makes them tick. You're natural with rhythm and movement and like to compose your own songs. I could probably count and think so many attributes about us that make us.....you and I.

There are so many first for you and I since you are my first born. Does it make it any easier? Not in the slightest. I worry, fret, lament, rejoice over you. I cry with you....but not in front of you. I've been working on my poker face actually. But I do cry with you. I know that growing and learning is hard sometimes. Especially when I have to be mommy and be stern or firm about things. It may hurt for that moment but we love each other give kisses and hugs and are off to the next adventure in life. I am honored to be your mother. It means someone important upstairs thought I was worthy to share the Earthly experience with you. I get to learn patience, forgiveness(from you I always hope), joy and a list of adjectives I have yet to learn. The next 50, 60 years will change our dynamic many times over. I hope for the sake of my heart and probably for my health that you are always affection with me. So many friends of mine, who are also mothers, comment their children only want to cuddle if  they are sick. I have to ask you to let me get up from the couch. Which I don't find to be a burden at all. I wish everyone could have that, who wants it. You're eyes are so clear and so fresh to the world that you haven't been hurt by events yet, which makes me happy. You wake up everyday wanting an adventure even though I'm getting more and more tired by the day untill the big change happens. I am sorry for that but I will promise you that I will listen to your wonderful ideas and want to bask in the excitement of you discovering new ideas about the world.

I love every part of your handsome face. Your brown eyes with those super long eye lashes. Your smooth skin and awesome curls on your head. I love how you want to smile at everyone and want to know what their name is. Future politician I say but you could be anything you want to be. I love that your legs are getting longer and that you're getting taller. Love how you like to laugh real loud like me and that you're starting to enjoy saying jokes. I love that together you can make me a better parent. I just love you.

I needed this weekend!

Who doesn't love conference weekend? Not for the obvious reason of staying home and not having to deal with wardrobe changes, nap times and sunbeams not wanting to sit down; but it's awesome to be able to sit at the feet of the prophets and hear their carefully thought out words and moving music.

I love watching conference with my family and especially love that I can record the sessions so I can go back and listen anytime I want. I was especially excited for Saturday afternoon when I saw they had a special program about the MTC. Awww the MTC. The Missionary Training Center in Provo Utah. This hallowed place that is the starting ground for so many missionaries. Including my parents, my husband, and countless men and women I have grown to love over the years. I have dreamed about one day seeing that place, but I knew it my heart it would not be through a mission of my own. Although many people encouraged, belittled, and asked fervently during my nineteenth and twenty year of my life if I would fill out the paperwork(I even got one and practiced filling it out) I just somehow knew my mission would be else where in life. I know that the MTC has a spirit that can probably only be match in say the Holy Temples of the Lord or maybe the Church Administration offices but the MTC just wasn't for me at the time.

When my precious son was born, and still trying to juggle the responsibilities of new motherhood I took some time in the hospital to daydream into the future. I saw him making choices that would help him down the path of righteousness and saw him conquering fears I am not afraid to admit to, which included serving a full time mission for The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints. As I smiled thinking of him with a handsome missionary tag on proclaiming his name and also that name of the church I started to cry, I started to weep really. The nurse thought I was just tired for having been in labor 26 hours and surviving a emergency C-Section but I couldn't admit my pain of the future. I swore then and there the only way he could even touch those mission papers is if I could some how see where he was going to be for a few weeks or up to 3 months(depending on the mission) at the MTC.

Fast forward to 3 o' clock Saturday(October 1st) afternoon. I was there watching about the Provo MTC. I saw the whole process of a new missionary saying goodbye to their parents for 18 months to up to two years. I saw mothers emotional but saying they knew this time would be important and well spent as their son or daughter would be in the care of the Lord. I wasn't weepy yet but I had a feeling watching this I might shed a few tears. The spirit of that hallowed place seemed to leave the tv screen and jump into my heart as I continue to watch the events of a new missionary getting used to such a big awesome place. Now, remember, I have two toddlers who got the gift of gab from their father and curious nature from me. My beautiful smart daughter looked at me and said ''Mama, can I go on a mission?'' With all the strength I don't have I honestly told her "Although I would be very sad and you would have to be a brave girl I want you to serve a mission." The tears tears that followed seemed to be the spirit talking to me saying that she would be taken care of if she did decided to serve a mission. Why wouldn't she be taken care of? She would be following in the pioneering footsteps of her maternal grandmother in serving the Lord.

I somehow finished the program both eyes non red and watched as my daughter was glued the screen about this HUGE place. My mother was awesome answering questions and going on a trip down memory lane telling me what had changed since she had spent some time there 31 years ago. We did some quick math and realized that once our Elder came back our Sister missionary would shortly be leaving after that(ah the joys of having kids back to back). I quickly said out loud that my heart couldn't handle that. Which is true it would be tough, but I now know that if the Lord speaks to my children over the years and they feel that it's something right in their lives I would be sad but very proud to say I have TWO return missionaries.

My mission in life wasn't to represent the church with an awesome black and white tag when I turned 21, which is okay. I was sealed at 22 and have had a big enough change and I'm sure more that enough time on my knees to qualify as a missionary. If anything motherhood puts me on my knees more than once a day and not just for picking up toys, cheerios or color crayons. I am not ashamed to say I need the angels on both sides of the veil to help me second to second. But I do know the Lord but that program on BYU tv for me. So my kids still have 16 and 17 years respectively to grow into their own characters and make the ultimate choice themselves I know that but I so needed to see that they would be okay, without having a hug and a kiss from me every night. Whew...if only someone could have told me all this in the temple right? We live and we learn and we love the Lord and somehow in his omnipotent wisdom he takes care of every single need. I'm making dinner so I'm outta here. Bye for now!

I have started and restarted this post a million times in the past few days. We had such a wild week, no wonder I have no taken the time to write down any craziness. We live in a great place. Very close to the water, I feel very blessed  we were able to find a great duplex for our family. We live behind a restaurant, so during the day the kids get to see several different people park around our house to enjoy the restaurant. This can be great to see and also a pain in the hind quarters when I'm trying to run errands. When I come home during the day I am lucky if my parking spot is still open. It's not that it's a pain cause I have to park somewhere else(hasn't happened yet) it's because the upstairs neighbor is a bit of an unofficial parking authority. It's a little rattling especially with this weeks events.

Monday night, sleeping into Tuesday I had woken up for a quick second trying to get readjusted in bed when I heard the LOUDEST noise ever. I really wanted to go back to sleep(I have a hard time returning to sleep if I wake up suddenly) so I was trying my hardest to close my eyes and drift back to sleep. Something told me that the noise wasn't really a normal for the neighborhood. I knew that my hubby was up, so I walked out to the living room to find him gone. I heard him say as I was trying to sleep "I have to call you back(he was talking to his brother)". Suddenly he is walking back in the house asking for a few things and seems really focused on the events of outside. What I walked into shocked me awake.

There was a Subaru Outback on top of the fire hydrant behind the house. Yes, I said on top. The driver had knocked off the hydrant, and since it was a newer one, it wasn't spraying any water. There was a police officer out side that my husband was trying to give a description of the aftermath and the driver. I couldn't believe the scene. Some of the fencing was gone as well as some rocks and the hydrant! I could only provide a description of the loud noise but some other neighbors had talked to the officer who was on the scene.  As we were giving the information, I had the chance to see some deer walking by checking our the scene. The were very observant of the police, the car. The two deer just walked by slowly making their way up the street, probably thinking it's late for something like this.

The ending to this crash is a sad one. The officer called the registered owner who had no idea that their car was not outside their house. I felt so bad, especially due to the early hour(3:30 am by this time) and they completely confused as to why a police officer was calling them about their car. Seems this kid had the keys to the car, got spooked by something, an animal maybe and swerved to avoid hitting the animal. I saw a cat limping when I first walked outside, so that logic was no smart since it was so late and now there was a hit and run. Totally not cool.

Thursday morning was when the water company was camped out on our street, pounding away making room for a new hydrant. I saw the fire department, and ran the kids outside but it was wrong timing so we never were able to talk to the fire fighters(it was two women driving that big truck, rock on). $10,000 later for the city, and them doing a temporary fix(the paint job and some cosmetic work to the sidewalk is next) the crew was done around 5 or so.  Which leads to the next event....

Friday afternoon it was nap time. I was taking some nice me time(lying on the couch when I saw a police officer in the tight parking lot in front of the house. I was curious so I opened the door. He reported to me that someone who drives a white car(our car is white) had a verbal disagreement with a patron of the restaurant. I told him we stay indoors if we are home(kids are learning street rules still) and that we don't talk to the customers much. We've been here a month so if the neighbors get visitors it's hard to tell the difference between them and customers. So, he told me the customer said there was an argument and that he(the customer) came back to his car and noticed dents over the body of the car. WHAT????!!!! Where was I? And what day did this happen? Remember the "parking authority?" Now, I'm not blaming him cause I don't know what happened but, damage to someone's car just is not a smart move. I talk to the officer for maybe two minutes but was at a loss of who would or could do that to a car. 1st that's some quick detective work if you can figure out the car and did the bat(or whatever was used) have a  silencer on it? Cause remember I heard the hydrant, I'm sure I'd hear a car being remolded. Saturday the same police officer was back since the upstairs neighbor was back(he drives a white car as well) and he was doing some more for his investigation.

I'm on pins and needles as to what will happen next and if we will see more police action.....not. I just want it quiet when it's nap time and time for bed. That's all.

Making a house a home

I'm never sure which word to use. Home or house. When saying you moved, it's your new "house" but when you're home you're "home". Since we have moved I've had the inspiration to do a few paintings for the mutual toddler bedroom and the new playroom we will be creating. I even got the little adults in the act on Sunday and we had an early FHE on what makes our new place ours by adding art and things that help remind us of our family. I'm no artist by any means, which makes me feel a little better since the kiddos won't be using the rules of art to show me my mistakes. 

I need to say thanks

For the past two weeks I have been house sitting and moving at the same time. When I first looked at our family calendar and realize that we would be do so much, while house sitting I kept telling people I was crazy, but there has been so much good that house come out it. I've got the itch to create such a great place for my little family and excited for the schooling for my two little adults. The transition from our last ward to the new one, might be a problem for the princess but with love and kisses and meeting everyone that will be much better in time.

I am writing because of an intresting experience I had with a phone call this morning. While growing into adulthood in my late teens/early 20's I was introduced to a friend of my step father. He was was a total silver fox, a very knowledgable man and some how took me under his wing while helping to do various improvements to the house. I have always adored him and still think about him when I keep thinking when we get our house(or a place we can make adjustments) I would want him to come and help; which is something we talked about before I moved out and started my life. Well, our new place is ready for our family to make our stamp on it. I've been thinking for about a week about calling him. I just wanted some ideas about how to make correct adjustments in the place we're renting. I was able to get his current number today and I gave him a call. What happened for the next 20 minutes....was a conversation I didn't expect.

He explained to me what happened to him over the last few years(probably 5 I'm guessing since I talked to him a few months before hubby and I were married). It was a tale, too sad for me to repeate without permission but I will say I was expecting him to be so excited to come and see me. Foolishness on my part to think I'm the only who's had life give me a wild deck of cards. He is not in a place to come and see me but I can't tell you how giddy and girly I was when he called me all the cute endearments he used to call me. I won't shrink to say that I really thought that he was going to come over and help with the house but he's just not able to do it right now. Maybe I will see him someday again. While I was on the phone I just kept thinking to my self "my life is crazy but thank goodness I have a place to fall and give my troubles to the Lord". I won't say that my life is perfect, but it's perfect for me. I know my kiddos have energy times a million but I pride my self on making sure they know how to pray and can say the name of Jesus Christ respectfully. I know we don't know what's happening tomorrow but I know that as long as I can make dinner and have my family be happy I have everything I need. So I'm just grateful that I have what I want and what I need.

Changes

The beginning of my summer is going to be soooooo busy. This is my theme song for right now. I don't even have time to think. I will give details next week. And no I'm not having a baby....although that would be fun. I do  have two helpers, but I want to loose the pregnancy weight not keep it! :) Stay tuned.