The music of my life

First, I must say a heartfelt apology to all of your who read this and find me talking about music all the time. My poor children somehow put up with it and so I think everyone else can too...

My whole entire life has been surrounded with music. That part in Mr. Holland's Opus when he and his wife are sitting on the ground, headphones in hand placing it in range of the baby's ears is how I picture my mom before I was born. My early years of my musical life were filled with that great genre of soft rock songs of the 80's, Michael Jackson of course and a great foundation in LDS Hymns. When I was old enough to decide what instrument to try and learn in the 4th grade I choose the clarinet. Not a good choice, but I can still play Hot Cross Buns. 5th grade rolled around and somehow I convinced my mom violin was for me! All 25 girls in the class but it was for me! During those early orchestra days, my teacher asked for volunteers about the cello. This thing was huge had low notes....nah not for me. But like I said 25 kids...everyone wanting the violin. I said hey why not. And thus began my love affair with the cello and everything that goes with it.

I played cello all the way through high school. My teacher Mrs. Nancy Dosch, I think is an angel. I have been in love with her and that short hair cut of hers for as long as I can remember. She always thought I had great musical talent, and should have private lessons. Although being an only child people believe you get EVERYTHING you want....private lessons wasn't going to happen. I'm sure we could have found a way(Mrs. Dosch told me of a scholarship program) but I didn't think I was talented enough to take that journey. I was lucky to be able to rent a cello all those years and I can fondly remember playing cello in the summers awaiting the school year so I could start playing again. When my mom was married to her last husband I got some fantastic instruments as Christmas gifts. Including a cello. When we move from this nice little townhouse we have....I've made a resolve to start playing again. I know I'll be horrible but hey at least I can try.

I was thinking to my self about the struggle I had learning that this way going to be my talent through the LDS church and the rest of my life. My mother has shared with me a few times that my father has a wonderful natural talent for music. He took piano for a few years and played organ in church until he left. Learning this, and having my tender hurt feelings about his absence only fueled my distaste for knowing some day I might play piano like him. I know those of you who know I can play are like"April you have talent, stop complaining..." but for how sad I was about his not being there...blah blah it was hard realizing that I might one day play in church.

I claim no talent what so ever on piano or organ. I've struggled, prayed and cried in public at those two powerful instruments. If anything I play is able to be sang too, I give all credit to Heavenly Father. I had to try really hard to ask for forgiveness in being so selfish as not wanting to explore the natural talent my mom was able to see in me. I think Heavenly Father has been gracious enough to acknowledge my journey numerous times in my life, but I think my most favorite example happened on Sunday. I think I am a super UBER FAN of Music and the Spoken Word. If I don't see it, I go crazy. Of course I want to play that beautiful grand Tabernacle Organ one day...but that's a different story. I was getting everyone ready for church when I noticed something. Nathan was listening to the song, he was swaying to the music...always on beat of course. He was just looking at the tv, there was a point in the song were is was getting quiet to add drama to the end of some phrase. Somehow Nathan could sense that and started to conduct it. He turned his hands over and lowered them as if he was conducting the choir. I am still in shock. And as the music start to get louder again, he turned he hands palm side up and started "conducting" the music again to make a grand crescendo. I tear up thinking that he can sense music like that.

I am so glad I can praise Heavenly Father through music and be able to find reverent Hymns to express those sacred feelings I feel for him and His beautiful son. I'm so selfish and say that if someone wrote a song about me, like they do for Jesus...I wouldn't let anyone touch me cause I would be FANTASTIC! And then Sunday happened and I was speechless. Just able to praise the creator of our bodies, the ears we hear with and our eyes to see with my little mini me; it is and was and always will be AWESOME! I can't wait to encourage my kids to sing and to play instruments and dance for our Father who is in Heaven.

The Real Housewives of Atlanta

I don't like admitting that I watch reality TV but I can't live without this show. I just sit there and watch, get mad like the rest of the normal wives and moms who watch. I sit there and actually say out loud "If I had that kind of money I certainly wouldn't act like that."

I wanted to write about a journey that one of the Housewives is taking. Her name is NeNe Leaks(she's standing in the back on the left). She's a tall, outspoken woman who doesn't take drama from anyone but is the first to start it. So funny to watch her at times. Last season during the taping of the show NeNe received a letter from a family member stating that her father wasn't her father at all. This of course was a huge surprise to NeNe. Her mother in no longer living so she couldn't ask for details. A paternity test later and it was in fact revealed that the man she knew as her father(a man named Curtis) is not her biological father. I know that had to be hard for her. At the end of Season 1(last year) she said that Curtis would always be her dad.

This season NeNe has been writing a book(it was just released)a memoir of her life so she has some opportunities to reflect on this missing part of her life. Her need to know who is her actually father. When she started searching for answers is when I started mine, so I really connected with the feelings she had. In the season finale she related to her husband how she, her uncle and the author of memoir had met at the home of her mother in Athens, Ga. This has was a vacation home for her Mother who only came to visit NeNe during the summer months. This reflective trip reminded NeNe of her mother's remarriage and how she was raised by an aunt. While traveling back home to Atlanta, this new man(Allen) called her uncle, claiming he was in fact the biological father of NeNe and wanted to met her. I was scared and surprised for her. She said an explosion of emotions hit her as they started towards the apartment of this mystery man. She in fact met him and he said she looked like her mother. In my opinion he was very cold, and bold with her saying he doesn't want to see that many people again(the author and the uncle) but didn't mind starting a relationship with NeNe.

After relating all this to her husband(Greg) he very strong opposed her trying to connect with this new man claiming to be her father. He said she is not emotionally strong enough to be taken on a wild goose chase. He said he wouldn't support her if she kept in contact with Allen. I felt ther pain of being told no support from the man who has supported her through everything. To date, or at least the end of the show, Nene didn't call Allen again and she was finishing her book. I couldn't believe the emotional pull I felt watching this but I'm on the same journey. To date, my dad hasn't called back after a month and I'm not sure he will. I got a great suggestion of writing him every month with questions about his family, his childhood and different details that will help in my start with family history. I had a dream a few weeks ago that I went to where he was born, Douglas, Ga; to look into this small town and see where he grew up. I don't know if I'd ever be able to do that just cause I have no idea where to begin or where I'd start. But Heavenly Father gave us minds and the technology to able to find those needed details so I will do what I can.

I wish NeNe luck in her search for her father and I wish me the patience and touch of reality I need to understand where my father is. Talk to everyone soon!

Me

I know I don't post pictures of me very often but when I got the camera back I had to get used to the settings again. These are a few of the fun pictures we took around the house
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I of course had to include some of the babies!

I wanted to write some feelings

I've been thinking about how to write this post for a few days now. I think it's because I still don't know what's going on or how to feel about it exactly, so I will just start.

My dear Mother met my dad right before leaving for her mission to Switzerland. Long story short of course they got married and had me almost a year later. Sadly, they did not stay married for long. I grew up with love and support for my mom's side of the family. You know how people say "Once in a blue moon" when something rare happens. Seeing my dad for his weekend visit was much more rare than a blue moon. And then nothing from him again. For years...I was curious of how to find him. I am still am to tell you the truth. I look just like him, so I would be able to recognize him right away, but would I be able to keep my emotions in check?. I am proud to say in the last few years I have really tried my best to forgive him and to see the situation from his point of view. I have come to a point where I am able to say I do love my dad and I wish that he were a part of my life.

I think back to my growing up in the LDS church as very interesting since I didn't have a father who was around. The church has such a strong desire for everyone to have a family. A mom dad and children to call their own. I had a great mother, I have a great mother. I had wonderful fill in men(home teachers....so do you home teaching young men!)who took me to daddy/daughter dances and activities but of course it's not the same. I've always wanted a dad to call my own. To know that sacred relationship. I'm so glad my children have a wonderful dad in their lives. It makes me very happy!

When I became a parent I had this idea, which became a knowing that ultimately became a passion to find my dad and to let him know that he in fact has grandchildren. I was unsure of how to find him. Call all the Danny Wilcox's in the phonebook? No. My mom didn't know where he was, so I was kind of out of luck. Around March of this year, I had this burning to start my genealogy. It was so strong I knew I had to start. I don't have much information from my father's side of the family so I was once again stuck. But I had prayed and knew that if I did all I could the Lord would do the rest. I am still trying to do my family history work like a good girl.

On vacation, we were sitting down to dinner at Mo's when I heard the phone ring. I didn't know who's number it was so I didn't answer the phone. Something told me to listen to the voice mail. It was my dad calling to say he had received the letter I wrote to him a week earlier. I found a few addresses for him and just decided to write the first one(and if that didn't work I was going to move on to the next address etc). I was so in shocked I almost cried right there. I was very nervous to call him back and when we got home a few days later I did. I followed up my original letter with another one. This had some pictures of my family and just explaining my sudden attempts at communication with him. I've been praying for him and me that we'll be able to have some kind of relationship.

To date it's been two weeks since he called and I haven't heard from him since. I have to admit I really thought he would be a little comfortable at the chance to talk to me since I made it clear I'm not after money. I do have his address so I can send him additional information about the family. And hopefully I can get the information I need to start doing my family history. I am thankful to all my friends via Facebook and Twitter(okay only one person on twitter) who have been really supportive as I start this journey. Last Sunday was hard for me since I still haven't received a phone call. But I know I did a good thing by letting him know about his grandchildren. I just hope I can get some information so I can get to the temple! :)

Got my camera back!

I just got my camera back after being gone from us for about two weeks. Right after we left the pizza place in Castle Rock, WA coming home from vacation. The camera was dropped. I was glad Jordan got insurance and that the memory card wasn't damaged. It was very apparent to me I take pictures every day or other day, but when you've got Grandparents that live in Alaska, you have to take pictures all the time. That, and I'm really wanting to get more into this hobby of digital photography it's fun. Anyways I took this picture on Wednesday night. Doesn't Nathan look like a missionary doing a service project minus the pacifier of course! Talk to everyone soon!

I'm posting this for Auntie Andrea

I was on the phone the other day with Auntie Andrea and she said everyone is always in the pictures but not me. So this is for her!

Uh oh

I've been trying to write that we're back and things are back pretty much back to normal. Although now that I've been on a quick trip with my children I'm ready to go again. Look at where we stayed.





It was so cute, I loved being there. And we were a few blocks from the ocean. The kids really enjoyed running all over this cute house. We were the only ones there, so we had the whole place to ourselves. Which was really nice. My husband and I got to spend a few moments together at night, which is always a surprise since my kids sometimes like to play night owls. I was a little anxious before we left since we haven't traveled as a family before but the kids did great so I wasn't really worried. I'm already trying to think of somewhere fun we can go.



We found this great park on the way back in Longview, Wa. Thought it would be great to get out and let the kids play for while. Nathan got to have fun with Jordan going on his first major slide. I was glad Nichelle enjoyed the swings so much. My only gripe about the park, is it had bark where the toys were. Ouch if someone falls down huh? But Nichelle and Nathan did well and didn't fall down. We drove to Castle Rock and had pizza. It was fun. Nathan found a girlfriend of course. Her name is Angel. They had fun she was really cute. Our trip was a blast.